Ghost of Christmas Future

[st_arkintern]

"Mr. Stark?"

Peter stands at the edge of the bed that Tony shares with Thor. He wears the Iron Spider armor Tony made for him, the faint glint of the moon through the thin slit between either side of the curtain reflecting off the suit's dark colors.

Peter's hair is styled differently from the Peter here at the inn; it's longer, more wild, even floppy. School had grown more and more demanding as the end of his sophomore year approached and balancing school and his time as Spider-Man was difficult. He had promised May he'd maintain his grades as part of the Spider-Man Negotiations of 2017, but criminals didn't stop just because he had two papers to write by Friday, a quiz tomorrow, and a test next Tuesday.

Hair had been less of a priority. Peter couldn't put off his homework if he wanted to continue being Spider-Man; he couldn't put off his evening patrol if he wanted to protect Queens, either. There were no serious long-term consequences to not getting his hair cut (save for perhaps more bullying from Flash, who was prone to bullying him anyway). A haircut could wait until later.

Peter always thought there'd be more time later.

Tony doesn't stir. Peter presses his lips together -- a nervous habit acquired when he was still alive -- and draws a little closer. He resists the natural urge to place a hand on Tony's shoulder to wake him; he knows that his fingers will slip right through. Instead he repeats, this time a little louder:

"Mr. Stark?"

Comments

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony rose, pacing slowly around the room. He was the picture of composure, despite the last few hours.

“We were this close on Titan. Quill gave in. Thanos won. Maybe we could have stopped him there.” He stopped before the open door to the bathroom, catching a reflection of himself.

“Siberia. I was this close to persuading Rogers back.” He shook his head slowly. “Then I gave in. Fractured The Avengers beyond all hope. Maybe we could have stopped Thanos if our home base was intact. Instead I watched my goddamn son murdered like he was dirt under Thanos’ heel—” he jerked an arm out, shattering the mirror with a blast of plasma. It had all spilled over the moment he recalled Peter.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor watches the door to the bathroom from where he sits on the bed. He can't see Tony from here -- or the mirror, which from the sound of it, he's shattered.

Thor has to push aside any image his mind is materializing of Peter during his last moments. He had seen enough people disintegrate into dust to put together a convincing visual.

"Did you see the battlefield when you saw your vision?" he asks. "Everyone was together, fighting Thanos and his children and still, none of them succeeded. Even with you there with them, none of you would have been able to defeat him. Not when he had as many stones as he did."

So don't blame yourself.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Damnit.“ Tony slammed his hand back against the wall at his side—and again, and again, and again, making the walls shake angrily. “DAMNIT—!”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor pushes himself off the bed and pads into the bathroom. The next time Tony's fist, Thor catches it.

Hand tight around Tony's fist, he turns Tony around so he's facing him.

Then pushes Tony's chin up so he has to look at him.

"This is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Don’t lie in my goddamn face.” Tony gnashed his teeth, beginning to tremble violently with another surge of helpless adrenaline. “We all fucked up and you know it.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor reaches out and touches the sides of Tony's arms; they're vibrating against his open palm.

"How are you responsible for the failure on Titan?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony’s muscles were seizing, and he could have thrown up. It was like all the fun of withdrawal with none of the drinking. “Stop. If you’ve got this energy to abdicate me, then spare an ounce for your self.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"How is it your fault, Tony?" he demands. He hadn't overlooked that Tony had avoided answering the question, and he was going to keep pushing for it. "Everything you've done has been to protect Earth and the people on it. You going through that portal and nearly dying for it. Ultron. Everything you have done, good or bad has been for them and yet you blame yourself for someone else's failures."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"I haven't." Despite himself, the trembling grew more violent as he struggled to reign himself in. "It wasn't anything but vengeance going through my head the second I faced down Buchanan Barnes."

[st_ormbreaker]

It's a feeling Thor knows all too well; vengeance had driven him every second of his journey after the attack on The Statesman and the universe had paid dearly for it.

Thor's grip on Tony's arms loosens and he runs his hands up and down them.

"Let's go sit down."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Though resistant, as if his mind equated the mere act of sitting with giving up, Tony did yield to being lead.

“Peter knows, too.” He sunk back down at Thor’s side. “I don’t know what I’m gonna say.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"You believe that things can be changed when we return home," he says. "I now believe it, too." At least for the others. "If he needs anything, it is hope. Give him that."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Right.” Hope. That had been Peter’s entire reason for showing him to begin with. “You’re right.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"Whatever you need from me, just name it," Thor says. He looks over at Tony, trying to sum up the man's present condition. It's not easy to tell what he's feeling right now.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony looked back and down to the ground. He had no idea what he needed—though if there was one habit that had rubbed off on him from being with the man, it was being true to your impulses, and his were screaming for some physical comfort. He fell against Thor’s side, claiming his endless warmth.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor wraps an arm around him and pulls him close. Thor himself is both grateful for the comfort and disgusted with himself for accepting it. So much of Tony's pain tonight has been brought about by a choice he made. He no sooner deserved this than he deserved to wield Mjölnir. He was grateful the hammer wasn't here; he is as certain he would not be able to wield it as he was certain he didn't deserve this now.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I wanna go.” Tony’s hand settled on Thor’s lower back. “And I don’t.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"Back home?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Wherever I go, it won’t be with you.” He admitted, turning Thor’s ring over in his fingers. “But I signed up for this reluctance, didn’t I.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"I'm used to traveling the universe solo." At least he was now; Mjölnir had been fine company -- like traveling around with a friend from back home. But Mjölnir wasn't a person and it wasn't even intact anymore -- its crumbled pieces had been left behind on the cliff in Norway.

Traveling the universe was what he was going to do. He had to find Thanos, and though Tony might insist on going there, if they survived -- and if his people didn't make it to Earth, he'd have to find them and bring them there.

And the universe was a tremendously large place.

"I knew what I was signing up, too, you know," he says. Tony perhaps didn't; even if he knew Thor was keeping secrets, he probably didn't imagine it was something like this.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Content to wallow in the bittersweet punch of it all, Tony rocked gently against his friend and partner and began to hum. It was low enough that rain could have drowned it out.

"No sweeping exits...or offstage lines...could make me feel bitter...or treat you unkind."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor looks down at his hands as Tony begins to sing -- at the ring Tony had made for him. What had he done to deserve any of this? He had made so many mistakes, and yet still, Tony was willing to forgive them. He had once choked the man and yet he still didn't want him to go.

Even now, when he was responsible for the destruction of half the life in the universe -- when he was responsible for the death of his son and half of the people from their timeline who was here, Tony was sitting here, singing.

Why did Tony think he deserved this? Why? No matter how many times his mind went over it, he came up with nothing.

Thor doesn't say or do anything. He just listens to Tony's song.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony soothed himself with the singing and soft swaying. Music had always been a bond between them from the moment Tony had JARVIS blast Immigrant Song in the back of his Bentley.

Wild, wild horses--We'll ride them some day.

As the lyrics faded, so too did Tony's slow movements.

[st_ormbreaker]

"I don't understand why you're doing this." When he's failed everyone so completely.

They're the first words he's managed to put together since Tony began to sing. But it's not just the song he's asking about. It is everything tonight.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony tilted his head up, silently asking for clarification.