st_arkintern | (no subject)

Alec glanced at Peter and paused, then after a moment went back to drying his hair. Since the incident that led to Peter sleeping on the roof, Alec had kept his conversations with Peter to a minimal - much more reminiscent of when they first started rooming together.

"We're talking right now, aren't we?" He deposited the wet towel into the hamper.

Peter opens his mouth to correct him and then shuts it. It's not worth it right now and he doesn't want to get into an argument with Alec.

Peter takes a breath and then finally says it:

"My ghost came to visit me the other day."

Alec didn't look surprised, although who visited Peter was not who he thought it was. He paused. For a moment it looked like maybe he was going to dismiss Peter's words, but he didn't.

"What did you say to yourself?"

Peter folds his hands together and looks down at them uncomfortably. The words come out easier than he expected them to, though they are nothing much.

"He showed me how I'm going to die."

Alec, half naked as he was from the shower, paused where he was. Outwardly he just looked blank, but inwardly he felt like he had a punch to the gut. A part of him wanted to think Peter was shown something from the far future, but with the way that Peter had been acting, there was no way it was that.

He swallowed hard, eyes trained on the teenager in front of him. "Tell me."

Peter figured that Alec would ask this. Of course he would. Peter swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing visibly. He's still looking down at his hands when he opens his mouth, the words coming out perfectly neutral.

"Thanos won. He wiped out half the life in the universe. Quill, all his friends died. Then he died. Then Dr. Strange died. And then I did."

Alec couldn't care less about the list of names Peter gave him except for the last one. Thanks won - this Alec had expected for a long time - but that Peter would die as a result was something he hadn't let himself believe.

He wanted to punch something. He wanted to punch Quill and Stark. He wanted to shout and scream.

But Alec did none of these.

There was a long pause as Alec's mind went through various thoughts. That this kid in front of him would die back in his world wasn't fair.

He walked up to the bed and with a single motion, pulled Peter towards himself in a tight hug.

Peter is taken aback by Alec's sudden embrace. Alec had never been the sort to hug anybody. The few times they'd hugged, Peter had always been the one to initiate. He strains to remember. Did Alec ever hug him before? He's not sure.

There's a moment where his body doesn't quite respond to the physical touch, but then his arms wrap around Alec.

"It's okay," Peter tells him, though he doesn't think it is. It seems like the sort of thing he should say, though, and so he does. "Thor and Mr. Stark think they can fix things. They've been working on a plan for awhile."

He was quiet for a long while before he spoke. "Stop trying to be so damn mature about this. It's not okay. It doesn't need to be okay." But that there was a plan to fix it was good to know. Alec's plans suddenly changed from what they had been moments ago.

"I trust them," Peter says. "Thor knows everything that happened, he told me knows where the Infinity Stones are, so I really think..."

Peter dampens his lips. He tries to finish the sentence, but he doesn't think he can.

If Alec didn't let go now, he might not be able to for a long time, so he pulled away and stood up again. He ran a hand through his hair and turned away from Peter, closing his eyes for a moment before he turned back to the kids with eyes open. "You're going to fight too, right?"

"Yeah," Peter says, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. "I'm gonna try."

"It's not about trying. You are or you aren't." He looked at Peter adamantly. There was definitely some mind or matter in war that was real and important.

"Yeah," Peter says, looking up. "I am."

He nodded. "Good."

And then Alec paused and falterd a little. He crossed his arms and paused again as he struggled with the words he knew he needed to say.

Suddenly his eyes softened though the rest of himself remained rather rigid. There was another longer pause. "...why couldn't you trust me with this?"

"It wasn't that I couldn't trust you with this. I just couldn't talk about it."

Another breath.

"And I was embarrassed because of everything I said about us fighting Thanos."

Alec sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He still couldn't help feeling like somehow Peter didn't trust him the same - he was always making a big deal that Alec should talk about what was bothering him. On the other hand, Alec got not wanting to talk about things too. And another part of him wondered how many other people Peter told before him and somehow that was a number that seemed to matter.

All these thoughts led to Alec standing, eyes closed temporarily as he breathed and thought.

"I'm sorry," Peter says, numbly. He doesn't know what he's apologizing for, but like the It's okay from earlier, it seems like something he should say.

He is sorry. He just doesn't know what for.

His hand lowered at Peter's apology. "Stop apologizing." He sounded maybe a little irritated, but he couldn't help it.

"You're not going to die, okay." Alec's journey at the inn meant his personal growth kept the 'I told you so' away from his mouth. "Stark and Thor will fix it and you'll be fine."

Again, somehow, this all came out sounding annoyed.

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I know."

He takes another shaky breath. "It was really scary, you know? Because everyone, they just turned into dust and I knew it was going to happen to me before it happened. I don't --"

Peter stops there.

The snide comment about death being scary was abandoned, but what did come out sounded angry - and almost shout. "You shouldn't have even-"

He paused and took a breath, pacing for a moment while running his hand through his damp hair. That Peter had to face the reality of what being a 'hero' really meant didn't sit well with him, but Alec already knew how'd he'd feel about it.

"I'm sorry... You shouldn't have to deal with that." Another pause.

"...how can I help?"

Peter knits his fingers together. "I don't really know," he says. "I know that this probably sounds weird, but... I keep thinking about the ones that survived and I just think..."

For a second, there's a pause there where it's impossible to tell if Peter is going to continue; he's let his thoughts trail off too many times during this conversation.

"...how bad they must feel." Peter unknits his hands and set them palm-down against his legs.

"Mr. Stark told me once that if I died, that would be on him and I just worry that he thinks it's his fault."

"He probably does." Alec wasn't sure how hiding that truth might be helpful for anyone. "And he's not wrong. He wasn't straight forward with you on what it's like to do what you do. Neither is that idiot Quill. But how they feel isn't your fault. It's not up to you to make everyone feel better."

Peter looks up at Alec, his gaze steady.

"I don't know if anyone could have prepared me for half the life in the universe dying."

Alec didn'tdnt actually care about half the universe. He only really cared about the particular person in front of him and then maybe Thor because he was enjoyable company to drink with.

"That's not on you." He meant that, though he knew Peter was a good person and so cared in a general sense that people who cared about strangers would.

"You could always come back with me." If it were possible, of course. And Alec was pretty sure he already knew the answer Peter would give him too.

"No." Peter's answer is immediate. "If they're really going to try and fix things, I need to be there to help."

He wasn't surprised by the answer, but he was surprised at himself for what he said next without any pause between. "Then I'm coming with you."

That idea startles Peter. Liz made no secret of wanting to come with him, but Alec always intended to return home.

"What about Max and Joshua?"

Alec looked a little stunned too, but he knew it was true after he said it. He suddenly made up his mind.

"They can handle themselves. You... Your world needs more help than mine."

"You can seriously die," Peter says, as though Alec isn't already aware of it. "Half the universe did. May, Ned, MJ... they might be dead, too."

Peter looks down. Even if they lived, he's not sure life would be great for any of them.

"The whole point in me going would be to help prevent that, Peter." He looked at the teen. "I wouldn't go if I didn't think I'd be any actual help."

"There's still a chance it might happen," Peter says, avoiding Alec's eyes. "And I don't -- I don't want you dying on top of everyone else."

"Look. I know bad guys -" He had been one for a while, after all "- and one thing they don't expect is someone coming from an alternate reality. Besides, you don't get to choose what I want to do with my life."

Peter looks up.

"Thanos brought down an entire moon. He pulled an entire moon out of outer space and brought it down on Mr. Stark. One of his children was so powerful that we had to blow a hole in the spaceship so it sucked him out to stop him from torturing Dr. Strange. This isn't -- it's not like anything you've dealt with."

It's not anything like Peter's dealt with, either.

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I distinctly remember someone once acting like it'll be a piece of cake." Maybe Alec wasn't above the whole 'told you so' thing after all.

He exhaled heavily and leaned against the closest wall. He had a feeling from his conversation with Thor that Thanos was a big deal. Alec couldn't quite fathom a moon being moved to be brought on top of someone, but it was all the more reason to present the man from getting to that point of power.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just a test tube human who's stronger and faster and that's about it. You're right. I can't stick to ceilings or call lighting or turn myself into an animal or whatever else there is in all the worlds where super heroes are a real thing, but I know what I am, and one of those things is a determined son-of-a-bitch. Even if I'm just a distraction, it's enough to get the upper hand."

Peter is desperate for Alec to understand.

"If Dr. Strange hadn't given Thanos the Time Stone, he would have killed all of us." Peter's certain of it. He hadn't fought to subdue; he had no problems killing any of them if it meant he would get the stone.

"And your point?" He felt his voice rising a little. "You're the one who offered for me to come back there in the first place, remember?"

"That was before I knew everything that was going to happen."

"And you think, what? The idea of me dying is enough to scare me away?" Maybe had he been freshly released from Manticore, but Max, Joshua, Corbie, and Peter had all done a good job at making Alec a little less self-centered.

"I think you should value your life more than you do."

It's exactly how Peter feels. He hates the thought that he values Alec more than Alec values himself.

"Yeah, well, I value someone else's more." It came out almost immediately after Peter's words with a hint of annoyance in it, but Alec couldn't help it, it seemed.

"Don't," Peter snaps, and it comes out harsher than he intends it to. He attempts it again, softer than before: "Don't. Please."

"Fine." He lied easily. "But that still doesn't change the fact I'm coming to help."

"Okay." Peter doesn't like it, but he knows by now that it's sometimes not worth arguing with Alec. There are times where it's obvious his heels are dug deep into the dirt and this was one of them.

He paused, then nodded, then paused again as the energy seemed to leave him. He was left with the same thoughts he had been pondering in the back of his mind from the start.

He rubbed the back of his neck, his voice dropping to something more quiet. "I'm glad you told me..."

Peter looks over at Alec, saying nothing. He dampens his lips.

He paced a little again. It looked like maybe he was trying to say something, but he couldn't quite bring himself to say it.

The growing silence is beginning to feel almost oppressive. Peter stands and rubs his palms on his jeans. "I'll let you get dressed," he says before the silence could draw on any longer.

The words Alec wanted to say out loud couldn't seem to manifest themselves. He watched Peter for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah.. okay." He moved toward his room, then paused. "I've always got your back, Peter."

Then he headed to his room.