Ghost of Christmas Future

[st_arkintern]

"Mr. Stark?"

Peter stands at the edge of the bed that Tony shares with Thor. He wears the Iron Spider armor Tony made for him, the faint glint of the moon through the thin slit between either side of the curtain reflecting off the suit's dark colors.

Peter's hair is styled differently from the Peter here at the inn; it's longer, more wild, even floppy. School had grown more and more demanding as the end of his sophomore year approached and balancing school and his time as Spider-Man was difficult. He had promised May he'd maintain his grades as part of the Spider-Man Negotiations of 2017, but criminals didn't stop just because he had two papers to write by Friday, a quiz tomorrow, and a test next Tuesday.

Hair had been less of a priority. Peter couldn't put off his homework if he wanted to continue being Spider-Man; he couldn't put off his evening patrol if he wanted to protect Queens, either. There were no serious long-term consequences to not getting his hair cut (save for perhaps more bullying from Flash, who was prone to bullying him anyway). A haircut could wait until later.

Peter always thought there'd be more time later.

Tony doesn't stir. Peter presses his lips together -- a nervous habit acquired when he was still alive -- and draws a little closer. He resists the natural urge to place a hand on Tony's shoulder to wake him; he knows that his fingers will slip right through. Instead he repeats, this time a little louder:

"Mr. Stark?"

Comments

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"I'd forgive you." He was immediately replying, turning to watch after the large man.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor lets out a laugh that comes out more like a heavy breath.

"I wouldn't be so certain."

Thor can't forgive himself; he can't imagine anyone else doing anything but the same.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“You wouldn’t.” Tony fell back against the door. “I would.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor takes a deep, shuddering breath. Thor rarely felt vulnerable, but he felt it now. He was suddenly and tremendously grateful that the lights were still off. He didn't want Tony to see his face.

"I've failed," he says, hoarsely. "I've failed so many people over--" Asgard and the dwarves of Nidavellir "-- and over --" The Statesman and all the people on it "-- and over again." Wakanda and the entire universe.

"I was the only person in the universe that could have stopped him." Thor is more certain of that that anything else in his life. "But I didn't. I was too angry, too foolish. Too..."

Thor stops there and looks at a fixed point on the wall. It should probably come as a relief to finally tell somebody, but it doesn't. All there is a guilt so great it threatens to consume him completely. He has only held himself together for a purpose: to make things right. Purpose was the only reason he had the presence of mind to continue pressing forward after Thanos' attack on the Asgardian arc. It was purpose that kept him intact right now.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony said nothing. His facade had shattered and the emotional undertow was yanking at him, trying to pull him under. But he couldn’t get swept away. Not now. He joined Thor on the bed beside him, silent.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor doesn't say anything for a few long minutes.

There are so many things he could say, but Thor can't bring himself to say them. When he finally opens his mouth to speak, only two words come out:

"I'm sorry."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony nodded in solidarity of that regret. He found Thor’s hand once again with his, clenching it tight. Together.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor does not pull away when Tony takes his hand, but he does not move to grip it either.

"Two years," he says to the wall. "Two years I spent searching for the stones and still, I found nothing."

Thor sniffs.

"I should have been protecting the Nine Realms. If I had, I might have found him on Nidavellir and put an end to his madness before he destroyed Xandar. Before he slaughtered the dwarves of Nidavellir. Before he attacked our ship."

It was one of a million scenarios that Thor had gone over; the what-ifs came easy. What if he had done this then, or what if he had done that. For every moment in the last few years there was a different choice he could have made and in his mind, every one ended with him stopping Thanos.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“You couldn’t have known.” Tony wasn’t one for empty platitudes, but he was sincere. “You were doing whatever you could.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"Sure." What else can he possibly say to that? He wanted to believe that he was doing everything he could, but in the end, it was not a desire to save or protect that left Stormbreaker lodged in Thanos' chest. It was a real desire to see Thanos suffer, to make sure he knew exactly who it was who killed him.

That wasn't everything he could.

He gives Tony's hand a tight squeeze, then lets it go.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

As the warm weight left his cold fingers, Tony knit his hands together.

“I saw it.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor turns and looks at Tony.

"You saw it."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“It was the last thing I saw.” Tony was brought back to the foolish moment of hope seeing Thor descend from on high—to the crushing realization when he saw Stormbreaker miss the mark entirely.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor lets out a single hoarse laugh.

"And still you asked."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I knew there was something. I’ve known it for a long time. Just not what. I thought...hoped...”

That he’d hear it from Thor.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor goes back to staring at the wall. He wished he had the courage to tell Tony about it before he saw it, but he couldn't imagine Tony ever having the means to see what he had done.

And he had been afraid. Even now, though Tony told him he'd forgive him, even though Tony had held his hand, he felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

There was some part of him that wished that Tony would get angry. That was what he deserved. It was like Eitri had said back on Nidavellir; he was supposed to protect them, and in the end, he didn't.

"That obvious?" Thor looks at Tony and attempts a smile.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Yeah.” Tony returned the forced smile with one of his own, though it quickly faded.

“You gave in. He won. Everyone paid the price.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor looks back to the wall again.

"You're right."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony rose, pacing slowly around the room. He was the picture of composure, despite the last few hours.

“We were this close on Titan. Quill gave in. Thanos won. Maybe we could have stopped him there.” He stopped before the open door to the bathroom, catching a reflection of himself.

“Siberia. I was this close to persuading Rogers back.” He shook his head slowly. “Then I gave in. Fractured The Avengers beyond all hope. Maybe we could have stopped Thanos if our home base was intact. Instead I watched my goddamn son murdered like he was dirt under Thanos’ heel—” he jerked an arm out, shattering the mirror with a blast of plasma. It had all spilled over the moment he recalled Peter.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor watches the door to the bathroom from where he sits on the bed. He can't see Tony from here -- or the mirror, which from the sound of it, he's shattered.

Thor has to push aside any image his mind is materializing of Peter during his last moments. He had seen enough people disintegrate into dust to put together a convincing visual.

"Did you see the battlefield when you saw your vision?" he asks. "Everyone was together, fighting Thanos and his children and still, none of them succeeded. Even with you there with them, none of you would have been able to defeat him. Not when he had as many stones as he did."

So don't blame yourself.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Damnit.“ Tony slammed his hand back against the wall at his side—and again, and again, and again, making the walls shake angrily. “DAMNIT—!”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor pushes himself off the bed and pads into the bathroom. The next time Tony's fist, Thor catches it.

Hand tight around Tony's fist, he turns Tony around so he's facing him.

Then pushes Tony's chin up so he has to look at him.

"This is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Don’t lie in my goddamn face.” Tony gnashed his teeth, beginning to tremble violently with another surge of helpless adrenaline. “We all fucked up and you know it.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor reaches out and touches the sides of Tony's arms; they're vibrating against his open palm.

"How are you responsible for the failure on Titan?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony’s muscles were seizing, and he could have thrown up. It was like all the fun of withdrawal with none of the drinking. “Stop. If you’ve got this energy to abdicate me, then spare an ounce for your self.”