Ghost of Christmas Future

[st_arkintern]

"Mr. Stark?"

Peter stands at the edge of the bed that Tony shares with Thor. He wears the Iron Spider armor Tony made for him, the faint glint of the moon through the thin slit between either side of the curtain reflecting off the suit's dark colors.

Peter's hair is styled differently from the Peter here at the inn; it's longer, more wild, even floppy. School had grown more and more demanding as the end of his sophomore year approached and balancing school and his time as Spider-Man was difficult. He had promised May he'd maintain his grades as part of the Spider-Man Negotiations of 2017, but criminals didn't stop just because he had two papers to write by Friday, a quiz tomorrow, and a test next Tuesday.

Hair had been less of a priority. Peter couldn't put off his homework if he wanted to continue being Spider-Man; he couldn't put off his evening patrol if he wanted to protect Queens, either. There were no serious long-term consequences to not getting his hair cut (save for perhaps more bullying from Flash, who was prone to bullying him anyway). A haircut could wait until later.

Peter always thought there'd be more time later.

Tony doesn't stir. Peter presses his lips together -- a nervous habit acquired when he was still alive -- and draws a little closer. He resists the natural urge to place a hand on Tony's shoulder to wake him; he knows that his fingers will slip right through. Instead he repeats, this time a little louder:

"Mr. Stark?"

Comments

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony leaned into his hand, cupping the back of it. “You said there could be a way to reverse it. You’re not going it alone.” He pressed a kiss to the warm, touch palm. “What’s a god without a believer?”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor waits until he's sure he can steady his voice before he finally speaks.

"Okay," he says finally. "When the time comes, I will take you with me."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Satisfied with Thor’s answer as he was, he wasn’t done. “But I need something.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"What do you need?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I need the truth. Thor. Please.” The desperation wouldn’t be held back, almost gasping the plea.

[st_ormbreaker]

"Tony..."

It's the only thing Thor could manage. Even if his mouth was somehow functioning, he isn't sure he could utter anything more than what he said already.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"I don't know what it's like to be Thor. I'll own that. Different people, different things." Tony kept a tight hold of his hand, lips twitching with the weight of holding his emotion back. "I'll own that. But--we're a team. Be angry if you want. Grieve if you want. Just, goddamn it, let me do it with you."

[st_ormbreaker]

"I know."

Thor takes a few steps backwards and sits down on the edge of the bed. Thor should trust Tony. He does trust Tony. But still, he can't find a way to say it.

Thor rubs at his eyes. "But not tonight. Not right now." Tony had clearly gone through enough tonight already.

And he wants more time to steel himself.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"I'd forgive you." He was immediately replying, turning to watch after the large man.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor lets out a laugh that comes out more like a heavy breath.

"I wouldn't be so certain."

Thor can't forgive himself; he can't imagine anyone else doing anything but the same.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“You wouldn’t.” Tony fell back against the door. “I would.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor takes a deep, shuddering breath. Thor rarely felt vulnerable, but he felt it now. He was suddenly and tremendously grateful that the lights were still off. He didn't want Tony to see his face.

"I've failed," he says, hoarsely. "I've failed so many people over--" Asgard and the dwarves of Nidavellir "-- and over --" The Statesman and all the people on it "-- and over again." Wakanda and the entire universe.

"I was the only person in the universe that could have stopped him." Thor is more certain of that that anything else in his life. "But I didn't. I was too angry, too foolish. Too..."

Thor stops there and looks at a fixed point on the wall. It should probably come as a relief to finally tell somebody, but it doesn't. All there is a guilt so great it threatens to consume him completely. He has only held himself together for a purpose: to make things right. Purpose was the only reason he had the presence of mind to continue pressing forward after Thanos' attack on the Asgardian arc. It was purpose that kept him intact right now.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony said nothing. His facade had shattered and the emotional undertow was yanking at him, trying to pull him under. But he couldn’t get swept away. Not now. He joined Thor on the bed beside him, silent.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor doesn't say anything for a few long minutes.

There are so many things he could say, but Thor can't bring himself to say them. When he finally opens his mouth to speak, only two words come out:

"I'm sorry."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony nodded in solidarity of that regret. He found Thor’s hand once again with his, clenching it tight. Together.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor does not pull away when Tony takes his hand, but he does not move to grip it either.

"Two years," he says to the wall. "Two years I spent searching for the stones and still, I found nothing."

Thor sniffs.

"I should have been protecting the Nine Realms. If I had, I might have found him on Nidavellir and put an end to his madness before he destroyed Xandar. Before he slaughtered the dwarves of Nidavellir. Before he attacked our ship."

It was one of a million scenarios that Thor had gone over; the what-ifs came easy. What if he had done this then, or what if he had done that. For every moment in the last few years there was a different choice he could have made and in his mind, every one ended with him stopping Thanos.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“You couldn’t have known.” Tony wasn’t one for empty platitudes, but he was sincere. “You were doing whatever you could.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"Sure." What else can he possibly say to that? He wanted to believe that he was doing everything he could, but in the end, it was not a desire to save or protect that left Stormbreaker lodged in Thanos' chest. It was a real desire to see Thanos suffer, to make sure he knew exactly who it was who killed him.

That wasn't everything he could.

He gives Tony's hand a tight squeeze, then lets it go.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

As the warm weight left his cold fingers, Tony knit his hands together.

“I saw it.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor turns and looks at Tony.

"You saw it."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“It was the last thing I saw.” Tony was brought back to the foolish moment of hope seeing Thor descend from on high—to the crushing realization when he saw Stormbreaker miss the mark entirely.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor lets out a single hoarse laugh.

"And still you asked."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I knew there was something. I’ve known it for a long time. Just not what. I thought...hoped...”

That he’d hear it from Thor.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor goes back to staring at the wall. He wished he had the courage to tell Tony about it before he saw it, but he couldn't imagine Tony ever having the means to see what he had done.

And he had been afraid. Even now, though Tony told him he'd forgive him, even though Tony had held his hand, he felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

There was some part of him that wished that Tony would get angry. That was what he deserved. It was like Eitri had said back on Nidavellir; he was supposed to protect them, and in the end, he didn't.

"That obvious?" Thor looks at Tony and attempts a smile.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Yeah.” Tony returned the forced smile with one of his own, though it quickly faded.

“You gave in. He won. Everyone paid the price.”